Chocolate Goodness
by Perdyta
Summary: River tries to teach Jayne the rules of Trick or Treating. Very fluffy - well, as fluffy as I get. Written for the Fall Challenge at Rayne shippers over on livejournal, my prompt for this was Candy.


**Chocolate Goodness**

_Gorramit._ He was in love with the deranged moonbrain. This fact had hit him pretty fast-like when of course he had been mindin' his own ruttin' business. He remembered the exact moment she cast her voodoo magic on him and made him get all stupid, too.

They were planet side and this particular rim planet was celebrating its harvest and gettin' all silly about it too.

The crew had been invited to join in the festivities after helpin' them get rid of some big ole thugs who had been walkin' around and settin' fire to the crops.

Jayne had been about to join in the celebratin' as there were plenty of drinks and food being passed around, when a lovely little body pressed against his side.

Looking down, he frowned when he saw a feathery mask instead of a face.

"Moonbrain?" He asked, wonderin' why exactly he was hopin' that's who it would be. Probably because then it would be easy to explain why she was wearin' a mask. 'Cause she's crazy of course.

She lifted the mask and he saw her frown right back up at him.

"Was going to request a Trick or a Treat and most preferably candy, but am now considering kicking you in the shin instead." She said in her bratty tone she saved for mostly Simon and Jayne and rarely anyone else.

"Well... don't." He said lamely, wondering what the hell Trick or Candy meant.

"Trick or _Treat,_ ape-man, and it is what you say to strangers on this night and hope they give you a treat rather than a trick." River explained in a very annoyed soundin' tone.

"So for a treat you'll take candy and for a trick..." Jayne grinned down at her as he got a bad idea in his head, "You gotta give me a _treat._ And it's my decision, right?"

River really should have seen this comin'. She sure wasn't little miss genius if she didn't.

"No!" She was really gettin' annoyed now. "For a trick, you trick _me_. If you want to Trick or Treat, you should have worn a costume to the party."

Jayne rubbed his chin and appeared to think it over. "'K, I gotta treat for you."

River apparently didn't like his tone. That or she was looking into his mind and sure as hell didn't like what she saw. Well, what could he say? He was a man and she had set herself up for it.

"You are teasing me." River said, shaking her head.

"Now, River-girl, you can't back out of this." Jayne looked down at her and tried to be all stern-like with his lookin'. Probably didn't work because she just looked at him like he was a boob.

"Come get me when you some chocolate goodness to offer instead of sex." River told him before walking off.

He had just been teasing but this sure as hell felt like rejection to him.

Jayne got some moonshine and drank it up before he made it to the table with all the food on it.

They had tons of good things. There was chicken galore and potatoes and pig and corn and all kinds of stuff that made his stomach start doin' the talkin' for him.

Then he reached the desserts. At the end there was a platter of hard homemade chocolate candy molded into all kinds of shapes.

He went to go find the moonbrain again.

When he did find her, she was bugging Mal about the gorram Trick or Treat thing. And Mal's treat was, of course to kiss her on the cheek. But did River squirm or accuse him of tricking her? Of course not. She smiled and rolled her eyes all cute-like of course.

Jayne walked to her and tossed the candy at her carelessly before storming away.

A few minutes later, Jayne was nursing another moonshine and trying to get rid of his sudden sour mood. That was how River found him. She had gotten rid of the mask now and had chocolate on her lips.

She put her chin on his arm and smiled up at him, "Jealousy is a bad color on you, man-they-call-Jayne."

It did help his mood that she brought up his celebrity status rather than his gorram idiot one.

"Hope you aren't here for more candy." Jayne told her, "Store's done closed."

He felt her shake her head and looked down at her. "Your turn."

She stood on tip toes and gave him a very sticky and chocolatey kiss on the cheek before leaning back down with that same smile on her face.

Trying not to grin, Jayne rubbed his hand across his cheek and thought about how much of a silly person River was sometimes.

_I guess that's why I love her so much._

The thought made his hand freeze and his eyes get all wide. It had pretty much the same effect on River too, only she got over it way more quickly and was grinnin' up at him.

_Gorramit. Gorramit all to Hell._


End file.
